A senior citizen drove his brand new BMW Z4 convertible out of the car saleroom. Taking off down the motorway, he floored it to 90 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
'Amazing!' he thought as he flew down the M40, enjoying pushing the pedal to the metal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.' I can get away from him - no problem!' thought the elderly gent as he floored it to 110 mph, then 120, then 130 mph.

Suddenly, he thought, 'What on earth am I doing? I'm too old for this nonsense!' So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.

Pulling in behind him, the police officer walked up to the driver's side of the BMW, looked at his watch and said, 'Sir, my shift ends in 10 minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go.'

The man looked very seriously at the policeman and replied, 'Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman. I thought you were bringing her back.'

'Have a good day, Sir,' said the policeman

Don't say this to a cop
The top 20 things not to say to a cop when he pulls you over.

20. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

19. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

18. Aren't you the guy from the villiage people?

17. Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.

16. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.

15. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

14. Bad cop. No donut.

13. You're not going to check the trunk, are you?

12. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.

11. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on cops?

10. Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?

9. I pay your salary

8. So uh, you on the take or what?

7. Gee officer, that's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning.

6. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

5. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other cars around, that's how far they are ahead of me.

4. What do you mean have I been drinking? You are the trained specialist.

3. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

2. Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.

1. Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?

The Revised Miranda Rights

You are under arrest and....
1. No, I don't care who you are.
2. No, I don't care who you know.
3. Yes... you DO pay my salary.
4. Yes... you CAN have my job.
5. No, I don't have anything better to do.
6. Yes, I DO arrest real criminals sometimes.
7. No, I am not picking on you because you are __________ (fill in any ethnic group/race).
8. No, I can't give you a break.
9. No, I don't know your friend, Officer __________.
10. Yes, you will be allowed to make a phone call.
11. Yes, I'm sure you will never do it again.
12. No, we can't talk about it.
13. Yes, it DOES make me happy.
14. Yes, you WILL see me in court.
Thank you, have a nice day.
Your Arresting Officer __________

---

DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN All the girls had ugly gym uniforms



It took five minutes for the TV warm up?


Nearly everyone's Mom was at home when the kids got home from school?


Nobody owned a purebred dog?


When a quarter was a decent allowance?

You'd reach into a muddy gutter for a penny?

Your Mom wore nylons that came in two pieces?

All your male teachers wore neckties and female teachers had their hair done every day and wore high heels?



You got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas pumped, without asking, all for free, every time? And you didn't pay for air? And, you got trading stamps to boot?

Laundry detergent had free glasses, dishes or towels hidden inside the box?

It was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a real restaurant with your parents?

They threatened to keep kids back a grade if they failed. . . and they did?

When a 57 Chevy was everyone's dream car...to cruise, peel out, lay rubber or watch submarine races, and people went steady?

No one ever asked where the car keys were because they were always in the car, in the ignition, and the doors were never locked?

Lying on your back in the grass with your friends?
and saying things like, 'That cloud looks like a... '?

Playing baseball with no adults to help kids with the rules of the game?


Stuff from the store came without safety caps and hermetic seals because no one had yet tried to poison a perfect stranger?


And with all our progress, don't you just wish, just once, you could slip back in time and savor the slower pace? Share it with the children of today.

When being sent to the principal's office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited the student at home?

Basically we were in fear for our lives, but it wasn't because of drive-by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc. Our parents and grandparents were a much bigger threat! But we survived because their love was greater than the threat.

Send this on to someone who can still remember Nancy Drew, the Hardy?
Boys, Laurel and Hardy, Howdy Dowdy and the Peanut Gallery, the Lone Ranger, The Shadow Knows, Nellie Bell , Roy and Dale, Trigger and Buttermilk.


. .as well as summers filled with bike rides, baseball games, Hula Hoops, bowling and visits to the pool, and eating Kool-Aid powder with sugar.
Didn't that feel good, just to go back and say, 'Yeah, I remember that'?


I am sharing this with you today because it ended with a double dog dare to pass it on. To remember what a double dog dare is, read on. And remember that the perfect age is somewhere between old enough to know better and too young to care.

How many of these do you remember?
Candy cigarettes

Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water inside.


Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles.

Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes.

Blackjack, Clove and Teaberry chewing gum.

Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers.


Newsreels before the movie.

P.F. Fliers.


Telephone numbers with a word prefix...(Raymond 4-601). Party lines.



Peashooters.

Howdy Dowdy.

Hi-Fi's & 45 RPM records.

78 RPM records!

Green Stamps.


Mimeograph paper.

The Fort Apache Play Set.

Do you remember a time when...

Decisions were made by going 'eeny-meeny-miney-moe'?

Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, 'Do Over!'?

'Race issue' meant arguing about who ran the fastest?


Catching the fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening?


It wasn't odd to have two or three 'Best Friends'?


The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was 'cooties'?

Having a weapon in school meant being caught with a slingshot?

Saturday morning cartoons weren't 30-minute commercials for action figures?

'Oly-oly-oxen-free' made perfect sense?

Spinning around, getting dizzy, and falling down was cause for giggles?

The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team?

War was a card game?

Baseball cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle?

Taking drugs meant orange-flavored chewable aspirin?

Water balloons were the ultimate weapon?

If you can remember most or all of these, then you have lived!!!!!!!

Ive starte a new CHRISTIAN GROUP Its open to all . Come and worship with us , We are here to support you in your need and would like to hear your TESTIMONY. We are all brother and sisters .The time of CHRISTS Return is near .

Now that Im though Preaching ,we also have a place to talk about cars , and how we can help our BROTHERS and SISTERS with their car problems .

Post your storys and Pictures of your cars , Lets work together to get more car shows at Churchs ,to help raise money for them. And what better place to Testify to people as you talk about what we love .

GOD BLESS

Kenny aka DAWG

John is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, 'If I were any better, I would be twins!'



He was a natural motivator.



If an employee was having a bad day, John was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.



Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up and asked him, 'I don't get it!



You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?'



He replied, 'Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or ... you can choose to be in a bad mood



I choose to be in a good mood.'



Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or...I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it.



Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or... I can point out the positive side of life.

I choose the positive side of life.



'Yeah, right, it's not that easy,' I protested.



'Yes, it is,' he said. 'Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people affect your mood.



You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It's your choice how you live your life.'



I reflected on what he said. Soon hereafter, I left the Tower Industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.



Several years later, I heard that he was involved in a serious accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications tower.



After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, he was released from the hospital with rods placed in his back.



I saw him about six months after the accident.



When I asked him how he was, he replied, 'If I were any better, I'd be twins...Want to see my scars?'



I declined to see his wounds, but I did ask him what had gone through his mind as the accident took place.



'The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my soon-to-be born daughter,' he replied. 'Then, as I lay on the ground, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or...I could choose to die. I chose to live.'



'Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?' I asked



He continued, ' ..the paramedics were great.



They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read 'he's a dead man'. I knew I needed to take action.'



'What did you do?' I asked.



'Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me,' said John. 'She asked if I was allergic to anything 'Yes, I replied.' The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, 'Gravity'.'



Over their laughter, I told them, 'I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead.'



He lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude... I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully.



Attitude, after all, is everything .



Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.' Matthew 6:34.

One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. The man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes.
Meanwhile, all the other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. As soon as he pulled onto the street, the officer stopped him, read him his rights and administered the breathalyzer test to determine his blood-alcohol content.
The results showed a reading of 0.0.
The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."

Charles Schultz's Philosophy





The following is the philosophy of Charles Schultz, the creator of the "Peanuts" comic strip. You don't have to answer the questions. Just read the e-mail straight through, and you'll get the point.

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.

2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.

3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America Contest.

4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.

5. Name the last half doz en Academy Award winners for best actor and actress.

6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.





How did you do?

The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates a re buried with their owners.






Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:

1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.

2 Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.

3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.

4. Think of a few people who have made you fe el appreciated and special.

5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with .



Easier?

The lesson: The p e ople who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones who care.

DID YOU KNOW? As you walk up the steps to the building which houses the U.S Supreme Court you can see near the top of the building a row of the world's law givers and each one is facing one in the middle who is facing forward with a full frontal view .. it is Moses and he is holding the Ten Commandments!!





DID YOU KNOW?

As you enter the Supreme Court courtroom, the two huge oak doors have the Ten Commandments engrave! d on each lower portion of each door. < SPAN style='FONT-FAMILY: Arial'>



DID YOU KNOW?

As you sit inside the courtroom, you can see the wall,
right above where the Supreme Court judges sit, a display of the Ten Commandments!




DID YOU KNOW?




There are Bible verses etched in stone all over the Federal Buildings and Mon! uments in Washington, D.C.

DID YOU KNOW?



James Madison, the fourth president, known as 'The Father of Our Constitution' made the following statement:

'We have staked the whole of all our political institutions upon the capacity of mankind for self-government, upon the capacity of each and all of us to govern ourselves, to control ourselves, to sustain ourselves according to the Ten Commandments of God.'


DID YOU KNOW?




Patrick Henry, that patriot and Founding Father of our country said:

'It cannot be emphasized too strongly or too often that this great nation was founded not by religionists but by Christians, not on religions but on the Gospel of Jesus Christ'.


DID YOU KNOW?

Every session of Congress begins with a prayer by a paid preacher, whose salary has been paid by the taxpayer since 1777. < /FONT>


DID YOU KNOW?



Fifty-two of the 55 founders of the Constitution were members of the established orthodox churches in the colonies.

DID YOU KNOW?

Thomas Jefferson worried that the Courts would overstep their authority and instead of interpreting the law would begin making law an oligarchy

DID YOU KNOW?

The very first Supreme Court Justice, John Jay, said:



'Americans should select and prefer Christians as their rulers.'


How, then, have we gotten to the point that everything we have done for 220 years in this country is now suddenly wrong and unconstitutional?

Lets put it around the world and let the world see and remember what this great country was built on.

In case we find ourselves starting to believe all the anti-American
> > >>>> sentiment and negativity, we should remember England's Prime Minister
> > >>> Tony Blair's words during a recent interview.
> > >>>>
> > >>>> When asked by one of his Parliament members why he believes so much
> in
> > >>>
> > >>>> America, he said:
> > >>>>
> > >>>> "A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many
> want
> > >>>
> > >>>> in... And how many want out.
> > >>>>
> > >>>> Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you:
> > >>>>
> > >>>> 1. Jesus Christ
> > >>>> 2. The American G. I.
> > >>>>
> > >>>> One died for your soul, the other for your freedom."
> > >>>>

Vote for Joe Arpaio...he should be our next president.....



Update on Joe Arpaio

TO THOSE OF YOU NOT FAMILIAR WITH JOE ARPAIO, HE IS THE MARICOPA ARIZONA COUNTY SHERIFF AND HE KEEPS GETTING ELECTED OVER AND OVER.



THIS IS ONE OF THE REASONS WHY:

Sheriff Joe Arpaio (in Arizona) created the "tent city jail":

He has jail meals down to 40 cents a serving
and charges the inmates for them.

He stopped smoking and porn magazines in the jails.
Took away their weights. Cut off all but "G" movies.

He started chain gangs so the inmates could do free work on county and city projects.

Then he started chain gangs for women
so he wouldn't get sued for discrimination.

He took away cable TV until he found out there was a federal court order that required cable TV for jails. So he hooked up the cable TV again only let in the Disney channel and the weather channel.

When asked why the weather channel he replied,
so they will know how hot it's gonna be while
they are working on my chain gangs.

He cut off coffee since it has zero nutritional value.

When the inmates complained, he told them,
"This isn't the Ritz/Carlton. If you don't like it, don't come back."

He bought Newt Gingrich' lecture series on videotape that he pipes into the jails.



More on the Arizona Sheriff:

With temperatures being even hotter than usual in Phoenix (116 degrees just set a new record), the Associated Press reports: About 2,000 inmates living in a barbed-wire-surrounded tent encampment at the Maricopa County Jail have been given permission to strip down to their government-issued pink boxer shorts.

On Wednesday, hundreds of men wearing boxers
were either curled up on their bunk beds or
chatted in the tents, which reached 138 degrees
inside the week before.

Many were also swathed in wet, pink towels as
sweat collected on their chests and dripped down
to their pink socks.

"It feels like we are in a furnace," said James Zanzot,
an inmate who has lived in the tents for 1 year. "It's inhumane."

Joe Arpaio, the tough-guy sheriff who created the tent city and long ago started making his prisoners wear pink, and eat bologna sandwiches, is not one bit sympathetic He said Wednesday that he told all of the inmates:

"It's 120 degrees in Iraq and our soldiers are living in tents too, and they have to wear full battle gear,
but they didn't commit any crimes, so shut your mouths!"

Way to go, Sheriff! Maybe if all prisons were like this one there would be a lot less crime and/or repeat offenders.
Criminals should be punished for their crimes - not live in luxury until it's time for their parole, only to go out and commit another crime so they can get back in to live on taxpayers money and enjoy things taxpayers can't afford to have for themselves.


Sheriff Joe was recently reelected Sheriff in Maricopa County, Arizona.