My driving is rivaled only by the lightning bolts from the heavens! I want a hamburger... no, a cheeseburger. I want a hot dog. I want a milkshake... You'll get nothing, and like it. Turds. Spaulding, how many times have I spoken to you about your language? Double turds. *Spaulding*! Da-dum-duuummmm! I, am Captain Chaos! And this, this is my faithful companion, Cato... Say hello, Cato! Get me the 9/16th's and the Vise Grips! Why don't you go practice fallin' down. I'll be there in a minute.
So your gonna' tell me that you don't have no black cats, no roman candles, or screaming mimis? Oh come on man. You got no lady fingers, fuzz buttles, snicker bombs, church burners, finger blasters, gut busters, zippity do das, or crap flappers? You're gonna stand there, owning a fireworks stand, and tell me you don't have no whistling bungholes, no spleen spliters, whisker biscuits, honkey lighters, hoosker doos, hoosker donts, cherry bombs, nipsy daisers, with or without the scooter stick, or one single whistling kitty chaser?
You guys got somethin' to say to me? Why don't you say it in the microphone. I got a backup mike right here. Check one two, testing, testing. Yup, they both working and guess what? they don't like no feed back, what's up? Well today I'm gonna be picking up my Hemi Roadrunner that's right I said Hemi! You're talking to me all wrong... It's the wrong tone. You do it again and I'll stab you in the face with a soldering iron. Hey, tell me, does your mother sew? BOOM. Get her to sew that! I'll miss you most of all scarecrow. If I'm not back in five minutes... just wait longer. I just can't do it, Captain. I don't have the power I expected the Rocky Mountains to be a little rockier than this. We got no food, no jobs... our PET'S HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!" That's a lovely accent you have. New Jersey? Pullover! No, it's a cardigan but thanks for noticing. They're driving an '84... Sheepdog. You fellas been doing a bit of boozing, have you? Suckin back on grandpa's old cough medicine? You sold my dead bird to a blind kid?

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