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Cars > Forums > Lounge > Bad Jokes

 

Forum: Lounge

  • Topic: Bad Jokes
  • Started by 024mula Jul 16, 2012 at 6:59 pm
  • Last post by 024mula Jul 23, 2012 at 8:25 pm
  • This topic has been viewed 1071 times and has 3 replies
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Topic: Bad Jokes

Forums > Lounge > Bad Jokes

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  1. #1 Jul 16, 2012 at 6:59 pm

    024mula’s Profile Photo
    024mula
    Total posts: 42
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    Did you hear about the Italian Chef that died?
    He pasta way.

    What has four legs and one arm?
    A happy pit bull.

    Did you hear about the circus fire?
    It was intense.

    What happened when the cow jumped over a barbed wire fence?
    Utter destruction!

    What did the grape do when he got stepped on?
    He let out a little wine.

    Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
    It is two tired.

    Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea?
    Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!

    Where did they first make French Fries?
    In grease.

    What happened to the butcher when he backed up into the meat grinder?
    He got a little behind in his orders.
     

     

    2002 Firebird Formula - 5.7 Liter
  2. #2 Jul 17, 2012 at 12:38 pm

    024mula’s Profile Photo
    024mula
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    (Q) How many clinical psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
    (A) Only one but the light bulb has to want to change.

    (Q) How many psychology professors does it take to change a light bulb?
    (A) One with two graduate students, but they get three papers out of it.

    (Q) How many psychoanalysists does it take to change a light bulb?
    (A) Two. One to screw the bulb and one to hold the penis...I mean ladder.

    (Q) What is the difference between a clinical psychologist and a psychiatrist?
    (A) About thirty dollars an hour.

    (Q) Did you matriculate in psychology?
    (A) No, I drank and smoked some, but I think some of the other students matriculated.

    (Q) What is a metaphor?
    (A) To keep cows in.

    (Q) Do you and your wife have mutual orgasm?
    (A) No, we have State Farm.

    (Q) How do you treat male sexual offenders in Tennessee?
    (A) With penile incarceration.

    (Q) How many people work in the Psychology Department?
    (A) About twenty-five percent.

    (Q) What's the difference between a psychologist and a magician?
    (A) A psychologist pulls habits out of rats, ...

    (Q) How do you tell the difference between the psychologists and the patients in a psychiatric hospital? (A) The patients get better and leave.

    (Q) What do UTC students get on their GRE's?
    (A) Crumbs from their Moon Pies.
     

     

    2002 Firebird Formula - 5.7 Liter
  3. #3 Jul 21, 2012 at 10:13 am

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    024mula
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    Mick appeared on the Irish version of "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" and towards the end of the program had already won $500,000.
    "You've done very well so far," said the show's presenter, "but for $1 million you've only got one lifeline left - 'phone a friend'. Everything is riding on this question......will you go for it?"
    "Sure," said Mick. "I'll have a go!"
    "OK. The question is: which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest? (a) Robin, (b) Sparrow, (c)cuckoo, or (d) thrush."
    "I haven't got a clue," said Mick, "so I'll use my last lifeline and phone my friend Paddy back home in Ballygoon."
    Mick called up his mate, told him the circumstances and repeated the question to him. "Fookin hell, Mick!" cried Paddy. "Dat's simple ... it's a cuckoo."
    "Are you sure, Paddy?" asked Mick.
    "I'm fookin sure." replied Paddy.
    Mick hung up the phone and told the TV presenter, "I'll go with cuckoo as my answer." "Is that your final answer?" asked the host.
    "Dat it is, Sir."
    There was a long, long pause, then the presenter screamed, "Cuckoo is the correct answer! Mick, you've won $1 million!"
    The next night, Mick invited Paddy to their local pub to buy him a drink. "Tell me, Paddy? How in God's name did you know it was the cuckoo that doesn't build it's own nest? I mean you know fook-all about birds."
    "For fooks sake!" laughed Paddy. "Everybody knows a fookin cuckoo lives in a clock!"
     

     

    2002 Firebird Formula - 5.7 Liter
  4. #4 Jul 23, 2012 at 8:25 pm

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    024mula
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    Little Johnny heard the word "whorehouse" during recess and later asked his father what it meant.
    Dad was shocked. "Well, uh, John, that's a place where men go to, uh, to have a good time."
    Johnny replied, "I wanna go there. I wanna go there!"
    Dad insisted that Johnny was too young.
    But on Saturday night, when Johnny's dad and some of his friends headed to Mable's for "a good time," Little Johnny secretly followed them.
    Once Dad and his buddies had been inside a while, Little Johnny knocked on Mable's front door. She opened the door and was surprised to see an eight-year-old standing there. "Yes?" she asked.
    "I'm here for a good time!" said Little Johnny.
    Since Mabel had a heart of gold (of course!), she invited him inside, gave him three donuts, and then sent him on his way home.
    Johnny took his time going home and arrived home well after his dad.
    "Johnny, where have you been? It's late!" demanded his father.
    "I went to Mabel's whorehouse, Daddy!"
    Dad blanched. "You did? Umm, how was it?"
    Johnny said, "Well, I managed the first two with no problem, but I just licked the third one!"
     

     

    2002 Firebird Formula - 5.7 Liter

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